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The Wall Can Still have a Door

Setting boundaries is hard. As we age, gracefully of course, the need for boundaries becomes more apparent. Not for negative purposes, but for self-preservation.  Sometimes we think boundaries are a response to the negative interactions we’ve experienced. When in reality, some walls are actually healthy. Healthy boundaries help us navigate self-care and self-support.

In friendships, relationships and even our careers, boundaries are important. It’s important for us to set a standard on the types of interactions we want to encourage and the energy we want to enter our space. Throughout life, I never really had a grasp on how to set boundaries. Actually, I don’t even know if I ever really set boundaries with people. When I’ve felt uncomfortable, I just faded away, or entertained certain behavior that I probably shouldn’t have. Yet, as I got older, boundaries became a necessity.

For example, I was always the friend that went with the flow, never really spoke up about the things I wanted to do and never really missed something because I wanted me time. In some friendships, it created an image that I was a push over, or that I could be walked on or treated any way. When I finally decided that I wanted to create boundaries and set standards for myself, it ruined some friendships. It created a rift between friendships I thought could stand the test of time. I lost friends I thought would never leave my side. Which now, as I think back on it, may have been for the better.

What I realized is healthy relationships have boundaries. For some people that’s a problem. Setting boundaries denies people access to you. Yet, those who are genuine in their connection to you will allow you to be selfish when you need me-time, voice your opinions, and allow you to set boundaries for you. They will understand because they will have boundaries too. Those people who push back when you stand up for yourself and your needs are not your people. Realizing that will be hurtful. It could mean broken relationships, estranged friendships, and potentially quitting a job. Know YOU always must come first. And you have to fight for that, which means fighting for you.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean kicking people out of your life. Those boundaries can still leave room for interaction and compromise. You can still have those relationships and friendships with boundaries. I know in our current society, it may seem irrational to not be completely available and constantly present for everyone. Don’t let that navigate your life, don’t let that allow you to see yourself differently, or make you feel bad for choosing you, every time.

So continue to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. Take the risk on you, and it’s ok to lose people who can’t allow you to say yes to yourself. Allow the door to be there, on your terms. Never compromise that. Never compromise you, For anyone.

No, is a complete sentence.

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